爱谁明了

爱谁明了
---------

云在走雨在飘
悲伤在风中笑
突然的泪在掉
躲起来不让人知道

就说爱好不好
就当作是讨好
让爱你的我开心多一秒

你在他怀抱微笑
过往的爱和快乐不再需要
这个世界怎么爱我买不到
爱情变成一种玩笑
如果诺言从此不再重要
再也什么值得去骄傲
所有承诺随风烧
爱已经停止心跳
只有眼泪才知道
爱谁明了

12/2005 6.15pm

幸福

幸福不一定要是要非常大的幸福，小小的幸福也是一种幸福。人们丰衣足食也是一种幸福，不一定要大鱼大肉。 Eg: 滿足是因人而異的東西，羊認為每天都有吃不完的草就叫做滿足，但獅子可不這麼認為。」 (Quoted from JHT’s novel, <亦恕与珂雪>) Haha !


等待是幸福的，为什么呢？
-对某件事有所期待，才会等待
-等待时期的期待，是一种渴望、愿望
-如果没有期待，就不会等待，所以等待是positive的，有期望的。或者可将“等待”定义为中性的，绝不是“空”等待，不只是坐以待毙而已。

等待是痛苦的
-如果感觉痛苦的话，那是因为期待到的结果不能令人满意，才会痛苦，而不是因为等待而直接带来的痛苦 (痛苦的根源是不能令人满意的结果，而不是等待带来的)
-你等待的时候，根本不会知道结果会是怎样；所以等待不会直接带来痛苦。如果等待是痛苦的话，人们就不会去等待了。
-另一个痛苦的根源是因为不满足，而不是源自于等待

生活 n 爱

有时候,
生活不停的改变节奏
有时侯,
生活不断在原地旋转

因为有爱，所以你我紧紧相守。
因为没有爱，所以你我变成一个守，一个逃，或者各奔东西。

爱是双方面的付出，
无论哪一方没了爱意，
哪这段感情已没价值可言，
放手会是最好的结局。

What WE want

We seems to get lost often. Or it's only me? When imagination have no limit. When the world is filled with uncertainty. People tend to get worry, tend to get panic. Sometimes, we find ourself chasing something we are not meant to have. Sometimes, we found ourself lost in a journey that we have planned so well at the beginning. In the other time, we just felt so lazy so tired to carry on what we have wanted the most. I'm all alone in the room, when i'm working on this post. Most porbably the mood and the enviroment plus the air that i breath is the air of loneliness. Perhaps, thats what make me write something, something so weird. I just got a weird feeling. Not feeling real happy nor sad. Real excited nor moody. I jst felt so SILENCE. Music wont heal me, ryhtm cant cure me, even angel cant revive me. That's how deep a scorpio goes when it gets moody. I run a test on the internet previous day. Well, it does says that, sorpio is moody. It gets extreamly deep most of the time that he need somebody to take him up. That somebody must have the speacial kind of power to do that. Who is that i WONDER....

The four months of industrial training is over. The search for a real freedom is ON. I started to think... to think of what shud i do after i gradute. At the moment, something jst click but others dint. Why is it life so complicated? That is the question that i asked everytime i went into the cave.


i dun feel like writing anymore... i jst wan to lay down... thinking nothing..

Girl and Flowers

Girls are like flowers,
You plant her with determination and care,
You fertilize her with all nutrient,
BUT
If u fertilize her with too much nutrient..
She will dry out..

Girls are like flowers,
When u see wild grass around her..
You will pull all of them,
But
By pulling out those grass,
Insect eat her away..

Girls are like flowers,
When u care too much of her,
You wont have time for ur others..
Those plant will be lost.

Girls are like flowers,
They need water..
If u forgot to water them,
They fade away....

If u manage to have the most beautiful flower,
You will loose a forrest..

but

having a flower will fill ur life with rainbows...
for-ever.

Girl And Flowers

离开我

离开我

开始分不清白天和黑夜
在也找不到你的世界
之从分手的那一天以后
生活就重复着你放手的画面

离开我以後 我會习惯自卑
明天再偶遇 我也不敢偷望你
离开我以後 季节冷暖天气
我也不理会 连名字 也再不记起
离开我以後 我會長留這地
晨早到午夜 白天到黑夜 想念你
离开我以后 醉了會看到你
梦中方可永久地 接近你

离开我，也许是幸福

06/2004

想起你

想起你

昨天的风雨
心里的点滴
树上的枯叶
一个个离去
有没有 可能会一辈子
在也想不起 你的脸

chorus
没有勇气
写一封信给你
那不趁说出的话
随风去（而去）
不在等待
一句我爱你
那曾度过的岁夜
飘散而去

bridge
每个夜里
伴着一杯咖啡
苦色的
咖啡让我不断回味
曾经永有的
不曾珍惜的

在我孤单的自己，我还是想起了你。

12/2003 2.03AM

沒有後悔

沒有後悔

車镜後里的世界﹐ 冷風飄過的黑夜
再溫柔的咖啡﹐ 別人也不會體會
我試着去麻醉﹐ 却让自己伤痕累累。

bridge
為何都選擇徘徊﹐錯失所有的機會
你對我的防備﹐世界兩遍在後退
樹葉也開始崩潰﹐在大雨裡完全被淋碎

Chorus
我沒有後悔﹐就算面令破碎
在有多的累﹐我還會繼續跟隨
別問我錯與對﹐愛情裡根本就沒有絕對
你已走遠﹐天空的令一邊。
沒有後悔, 留在你的身边。

06/2005 1.30AM

Merdeka - What it means to you?

As we celebrate yet another year of our independence, i started asking myself, is life really as good as it is depicted in some MERDEKA ads? Those TNB? Telekom? argh~~ That's only one little corner in a dark room. It was so touching, so nice, but it never oversee the real thing behind.

FREE.FREEDOME. Are we really free in the sense of the word or is freedome measured with a diffrent yard-stick for some of us? Understand what i'm trying to say here? Hope some of you does...What i'm saying here is the freedome reflected on our daily life, even now when i'm writing this? Our job application, university? Study loans, the list wont come to an end~! Have your thought.

Somebody tells me there is an unwritten rule, more of a convention, that principlas of schools have to be bumiputras. that really shock hell of me. That day, at alamnda when i was promoting ENSURE(a nutrition drink). An businessman come over and ask me why the prices on the good in carefour are so much expensive compare to those in grocery store? How could this happend, he said. As we talk and chat, he ask me to see ppl around me. Who are they? If last time around. Those who when shopping in big shopping complex is mostly chinese and indians... but now. Well? Why? Since when? This shows that NOW, they have the power to spend. How and why they have the power? Who gave them? Form where? Are they "earning" it at the same sense of how the others does? Think of it. Slowly they are gaining edge. But some of us just dont care bout it so much.

Althought there is no such thing in your DAILY BUKU PANDUAN, overzealous pen-pusher who have been told to ensure quota is filled, have mroe or less closed the door to non-bumiputras to progress in the public education sector. What kinda of "usahawan", this program and that program priority to "them" only. As you can see, many of us only get promoted just before we retire. I was somehow like a parting gift. For example, in education sector. Some teacher with the leadership of a headmaster ended up tailing at the end til he/she is around 55 years old... and yeah~~~ celeration.. ur now promoted to headmaster.... GOSH~! I saw this phenomena happend often my and i see them with own eyes... or hear them with my pair ears.

The last thing minority groups expect after ousting the british is to be govenred with a diffrent set of rules. We expect for a better "deal" a better life. I know, we are improving. But we are still no where. We are still "conquered". We are still in a "cagE" just that it's a little bigger. Doesn't that sound.... erm... u might just think that "Well, i'm merdeka afterall".




Merdeka is not just about waving the flag and singing NEGARAKU, while standing attention. Its not that. Who does know why you do that? Who does know the meaning behind all these doings? Go out now and ask... Ini hari kebangsaan keberapa cik? "Er... ke 50~!" .... and that's the time u take a look his car and u saw... damn lots of flag~! You find yourself slapping you forehead then. Patriotism is not about flying the country;s largest flag~! It's about doing your best in your birth-place, being apart of your nation progress. It's about taking care what happends around you...

To be truly free, to be turly merdeka, we also need to be free from all forms of oppression. Merdeka is when meritocracy is UPHELD and only the best are allotted top jobs(proton), contracts(Klang's fly over collapse), scholarships(everywhere) and even a place in the national football team(finger count my own "ppl"). We cant let the hand-to-mouth LIFE continues. It's not the way~!

Well.....It is only when we practise fairness and equality will we be able to enjoy FREEDOM. Hence our nation will be free of the constraints that hinder progress.


Selamat Hari Merdeka ke-48
just my 2 cent.

Seasonal LOVE - What you Think?

Love is a journey....Love is seasonal. You believe it or not? Or would you agree after reading these? I have spend some nites... thinking of this. Well, love does have season. At least from my point of view. Just for example, In srping..everything seems to be so relax and so easy. but in summer it;s hard work. In autumn you may feel very generous and fulfilled, but again on winter u feel lonely and emptiness starting to fill you up without any reason. What u have been trying to work on spring to carry on over summer is easily forgotten. The love u fall is so easily lost in winter.In the summer of love, when things get difficult and you are not getting the love you need, quite suddenly you may forget everything you have. When everything seem to be turning against you... you just feel like giving up and stop trying ang giving... in the same time stop recieving. In an instance, it's all gone. You may start asking yourself the WORD ---WHY. Why is this happening and why everything seems to be so wrong so bad when the last few seconds everything was to beautiful and loving? This is a time in relationships when we experience our own unresolved pain or our shadow self. What u can see is... DARKNESS. Besides the region of the shadow was so bright... that is when u start thinking... other ppl's relationship was wonders... but why...mine... it's really.. sad.

Sometimes love flows easily and automatically,at other times it requires effort. But how many of us actually though of that? We are just too selfish to make the frist move, doesn't we? Sometimes our hearts are full and at other times we are empty. When ths emptiness strike.. we often start pointing fingers, spell words that HURTS you and your partner. Only to realise that what ever spoken was never meant to improve the situation. When thins sets in, you may blame yourself and forget how to love and nurture yourself. You may doubt yourself and your partner. You may become cynical and feel like giving up. This is all a part of the cycle. It is always darkest before the dawn We must not expect our partner to be always loving... always giving.. always be the "leader" the "guide" in the journey. Along the way, they might get tired and need your guide as well. SO? Do guide them. To be together it actually requires alot of learning. And learning is always difficult. It never meant to be easy. The process of learning requires not only hearing and applying but also forgetting and then remembering again. It's about giving and recieving in the same time. But how often do we actally realise this matter? And how many of us actually take thsis route? Remember : Love is not all about giving, but recieving as well.

Life is filled with so much uncertainty. We cant ask for certainty, cos there is aint one here.... nor there. You just have to live it or leave it. We are innocent children learning how to have successful relationships. Integrating this new wisdom of having loving relationships is a new challenge. You are a pioneer. You are traveling in new territory. Expect to be lost sometimes. Expect your partner to be lost as well.

I guess i will to stop here....
Good nite....
"Love is not blind. Love sees everything, but becoz it sees everything, it's willing to see less."

Have you ever
---------------

Have you ever loved someone,

And known they didnt love you?

Have you ever wanted to cry,

And wondered what they'd do?

Have you ever looked into their eyes,

And known they didnt care?

Have you ever looked into their heart,

And wished that you were there?

have you ever......

Why Good Girls Love BAd BOys?
Message: There are some reasons why 'good girls' love 'bad guys': (thoughts in brackets - by bluey)

1. bad guys looks more attractive with their arrogance...that makes them looks sexy... (sexy my foot, with all those punkish hair, yellow dyed, and the smell of smoke on their clothing...a guy? I think a dog is better...)

2. bad guys never afraid to take risk for girls they loves...(I am wondering what sort of risk they are willing to take, i.e. killing a cockcroach, a mosquito, will they do more? Join a gang and beat up some nice guy?)

3. bad guys admit that they are, but never want us to be bad girl...(true, true, but will the girl agree to this? How many girls do you know that didn't turn bad like the bad guy?)

4.bad guys have all the bad and good to say to make girls happy...(girls like bad things said to them to make them happy? Like what? That your so-called guy admit to you honestly that he is having affair with another girl, maybe your good friend? or maybe one day he told you that he have AIDS and you may be infected...)

5. bad guys have playful personalities, and they have twinkle in their eyes, we never know what they are thinking...(is that good? they may be thinking of dumping you and just waiting for the right moment...the twinkling in the eyes are just a sign of a time bomb waiting to be dropped on you stupid girls. So have you counted how much time you have left with him?)

6. thay add spice to our good-girl lives, they makes us feel wild and sexy...(and die earlier too, maybe earlier than the macho guys, 'cos girls tend not to be so macho...unable to handle the wild life for too long...)

7. there is no dull moment with them, we never know what they gonna do next..(exactly...a time bomb waiting to go off, or a smack on the head for good measure...)

8. bad guys are agressive, unlike good guys tends to be too polite...(you like to be smack in the head every now and then don't you? Maybe get some real makeups on your face regularly? You like that don't you...love to have sadistic treatments?)

9. they live on they own terms, ...(Ya...today I marry you, tomorrow I divorce you...better still, you divorce me and pay me.)

10. they will treat us very sweet if they think its sweet!! (how do you define sweet? sugar? wanna get diabetes? you think we're all living in a fairy tale, everyday, everything sweet? Grow up lah!)

Song of the week....

I love this song. Heard it many times on the radio. The lyrics written to inch perfect. So much reality of the writter of the song. I'm giving it a 9.55/10 rating.



Bukan Cinta Biasa - Siti Nurhaliza

Begitu banyak cerita
Atas sebab ada duka
Cinta yang ingin ku tulis
Bukanlah cinta biasa

Dua keyakinan beza
Masaalah pun takkan sama
Ku tak ingin dia ragu
Mengapa mereka selalu bertanya

Cintaku bukan di atas kertas
Cintaku getaran yang sama
Tak perlu di paksa
Tak perlu di cari
Kerna ku yakin ada jawabnya...ohhh

Andai ku bisa merubah semua
Hingga tiada orang terluka
Tapi tak mungkin,
Ku tak berdaya
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawabnya…

Janji terikat setia
Masa mengupas segala
Mungkin dia kan berlalu
Ku tak mahu mereka tertawa

Diriku hanya insan biasa
Miliki naluri yang sama
Tak ingin berpaling
Tak ingin berganti
Jiwa ku sering saja berkata..ohh

Andai ku mampu mengulang semula
Ku pasti tiada yang curiga
Kasih kan hadir
Tiada terduga
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawapan...

Cintaku bukan di atas kertas
Cintaku getaran yang sama
Tak perlu di paksa
Tak perlu di cari
Kerna ku yakin ada jawabnya...ohhh

Andai ku bisa merubah semua
Hingga tiada orang terluka
Tapi tak mungkin
Ku tak berdaya
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawabnya…ohhh

Diriku hanya insan biasa
Miliki naluri yang sama
Tak ingin berpaling
Tak ingin berganti
Jiwa ku sering saja berkata..ohh

Andai ku mampu pulang semula
Ku pasti tiada yang curiga
Kasih kan hadir
Tiada terduka
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawapan...

Friday nite n saturday Morning

Everyday is a working day. 24/7 i work. Feel xtreamly tired actually, but cant sleep. Mayb due to that my "brain" is still thinking of alot of happenings that had happend and things that about to happend. Have a dizzy day in the office, completely cant stand up from my seat. So dizzy that i cant evern pick myself up. Lay on my chair for awhile before leaving the office worrying i wont be able to drive home. When i reach home, it was about 7.30pm already. The diziness is gone, but here come the hunger~! I'm very hungry ar~!

It's been a few weeks back then when i start feeling weird of my body. Things improve and improving. Hopefully, it will be ok soon. Basically, my busy life does help me alot in thinking life in a very positive way. I saw so many ppl around. Carrying a smile on their face with their loved ones. Life shud be that way... U draw a smile on other ppl's life and u will bring urself some as well. Seeing them living their live, i believe i must too.

Earning money for me is not really a main point here. For me i would like to try out something that i had yet to try before. Working as a promoter... mixing with working partner. That's was a whole new experience which will add some spice to those dull life. Well, it's good u know.... to learn new things, meet new ppl, new frens.. When u sees something good, normally u have a new drive in live. Somehow, u got the power to RUN. The power is not on ur leg, body or anything but ur heart~!

Well, i guess time to bed dy.... tmr working 12-9pm. car broke down.. so.. back to my old lovely my dear virago again..vroom vroom~~~~

Nitezzz

No music No LIFE

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus , by John Gray

Well, this books was publish long ago. Only forme to realise it's existence after such a long time. I read about it's summary done by some forumer. It's really an intresting book. Well.. i will post some here...boy and gals.. get THIS BOOK~!

Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk
One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress. Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasing overwhelmed and emotionally involved. At these times, a man's needs for feeling good are different from a woman's. He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems.

Finding Relief in the Cave
When a man is stressed he will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem. He generally picks the most urgent problem or the most difficult. He becomes so focused on solving this one problem that he temporarily loses awareness of everything else. Other problems and responsibilities fade into the background. His full awareness is not present because he is mulling over his problems, hoping to find a solution. The more stressed he is, the more gripped by the problem he will be. At such times he may be incapable of giving a woman the attention and feeling that she normally receives.

Speaking Different Languages
Martians and Venusian languages had the same words, but they way they were used gave different meanings. Their expressions were similar, but they had different emotional emphasis or connotations. Misinterpreting each other was very easy.

Expressing feelings versus expressing information
Men and women seldom mean the same things even when they use the same words. For example, when a woman says "I feel like you never listen," she does not expect the word never to be taken literally. Using the word never is just a way of expressing the frustration she's feeling at that moment. It is not to be taken as factual information. To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license and use various superlatives, metaphors and generalizations. Men mistakenly take these expressions literally. Because they misunderstand the intended meaning, they commonly react in an unsupportive manner. Other examples of complaints easily misinterpreted are like the following:

Women say: "No one listens to me anymore."
Men respond: "But I'm listening to you right now."
Women say: "You dont love me anymore."
Men respond: "Of course I do. That's why I'm here."
Women say: "We never go out."
Men respond: "That's not true. We went out last week."

The "literal" translation of a woman's words can easily mislead a man who is used to using speech as a means of conveying only facts and information. In turn, a man's misguided response might also lead to an argument. When men and women are on the verge of arguing, they are generally misunderstanding each other. At such times, it is important to rethink or translate what they have heard.

Well... how bout that? I will purchase this book when i go for parttime job this weekend...hehe

Mon - Sun
Life of mine is no longer FREE. I enjoy it very much to my point of view. Well, it's xtreamly tiring~! No doubt. But, there seems to be a force to guide me and to push me from behind. I just can't go down. Now from monday til friday i will work at TPM as trainee. On the weekend, i will be busy with my part time. Mainly from 12-9pm. It will continue that way til a moment when i feel i need a rest. For this very moment. I just feel that i shud go out there and strive for very best. Bring out the best in me. In doing my job. In making my dream come true. Earn my own money, spend my own money. I guess there is certainly something there, something inside me that have really push me to the limit. Not very sure if it's good or not. But til this second i feel good. I feel, this is a chance... this is the way i shud go now. Actually i just back from the 1st day of my part time at alamanda. Quite ok... but veru tiring. I guess i shud go lay down on my bed now.... my body is breaking up... mayb tmr.. i will upload some pics...



Haha... that was my booth lor.. GOOD things grow.. actually rite.. STRONG thing also gROWS... haha guess wat's that~! Well, work here was kinda tiring.. have to stand for few hours. But then i get to taste lipton~! Manggo and lemon flavour. Wahaha.. that's the best part of being a part time promoter. Besides, there are few friends working there as well. So we were like kinda sharing everything. Cintan mee, colgate, sparkling juice, ribena, walls ice cream... man~! It's not working.. it's enjoying!~ That what i called life~! If only they allowed me to listen to mp3 while working... that will be the best job offered in the world man... Next week? well... hehe i dunno yet... but i just wanan get out of my way of thinking bad things... enjoy everybit of my life...



Quoto of the day : A man's sense of self is defined primarily through his ability to achieve results

mY liFE:

So here i am. Join the comunity of blog. Well, last time i found that blogging was kinda sien stuff. Mayb mainly becos i take life to easy. See things as they are to easy. Only to find out... i have lost alot of things. Alot of memory i cant recall... alot of faded images. I shud have stored it somewhere... anywhere so that i can refresh back what had happend. What crosses my life. Who, When Where and what. Life have been very busy. online business, computer services, and part time + internship. Well, i still can cover all of that. I found myself enjoy working at the moment. Mainly becos of the pay i will get. The experience i will earn. Really have been busy. And what left for me was my bed. Work --> eat --> bed. Where was my time all gone? There are nowhere now. Dunno why, for a moment i just want to earn more money. I wanna get myself something, wanan do something with that money. And i need those money, like i nv need it last time. Dun get me wrong. Money is not everything at the moment. For awhile, i still will go walk around. And have fun. Still i enjoy the moment i was able to complete a transaction and ooking at the figure as it grows. I have a big plan this OCT. I will spend one month at sabah. Mount climbing, island hopping, and visit my parents. Gonna visit whole sabah in one month times. So what i have to do from now is.... earn work~! I estimate myself to get around RM700-800 per month. So by then, i shud have around RM2000 to spend. Which is more thn enuf. But then, i wan to buy a mp3 player. New phone... bla bla bla.... so.. i just have to work harder. Get more business and deal on the table.... the picture... i'm looking elsewhere...